So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just want to make out with him forever
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
