Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
