You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize