apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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