i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
