i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
