I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dignity is for republicans.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
