a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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