I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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