if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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