Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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