I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
