I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
