OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
