oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
