White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
