I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Vodka?
Forever.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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