There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
