dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize