She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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