I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
