just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize