Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
