a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
two words...techno handjob
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
