Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
