hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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