You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
