He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
