No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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