It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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