He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
