You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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