Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
