At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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