I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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