I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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