i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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