She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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