dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
