I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
