I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
