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If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
birth control should be required to get into college
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize