I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
