my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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