You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
