You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
