Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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