do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize