??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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