when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
