I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
