My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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