1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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