thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think your dad took our porno
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
