cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
