if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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