I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
