Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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