Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
