god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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