I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
