I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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