I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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