I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
