She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
