Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
