Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
