Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
