I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
