If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
someone get that fucking seahorse.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
