when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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