Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
