So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
