Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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