Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
