I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
