You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
