Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
