Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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