how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
