You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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