and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
