Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
