I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
