I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
sarcasm needs its own font
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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