We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
