We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
