no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
