I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
